partybarackisinthehousetonight:

if you cut your pizza into really small pizzas you can use it as a topping for a different pizza

(via cumfort)

awkwardvagina:

so me and my dad are watching a documentary about a man that killed his children and the presenter turned to the camera and said ‘how could anyone ever think about killing their child’ and my dad sat there looking straight at the tv and said ‘trust me its not difficult’ he then looked at me and sighed

(via life-makes-echoes)

pavlovs-schrodinger:

pavlovs-schrodinger:

when im older and my kid needs me to sign something for school im just gonna write “Dad” in really crappy handwriting so it seems like my kid forged my signature and the teacher calls to tell me and im just “yes no it is i dad”

i posted this when i accidentally took too much medication

screw you guys

(via moistpits)